just the longest bath.

I admit that it was something no longer new to me, I’ve been introduced to it by a not so few people. But it is a different story if it happens without your knowledge and with you far from being sober. It actually shoved me out of drunkenness; and pushed me into misery. Misery caused by shame? Maybe. But more importantly, melancholy caused by the thought of those who know me having a picture of myself as unthinking as that.

This morning was the longest bath of my life. I thought it was only in the movies that you see girls in front of the shower still with their clothes on. And this morning, I was living one of those Filipino movies. Trying to get the filth of those hands off your body by scrubbing like there’s no tomorrow. But of course, there was not a fall of tears; there was only a hurricane of emotions: shame and rage and disgust. The hurricane arrested the pain from the synthetic body scrub that was causing my skin to blush.

But it was not enough, even if I bathe till my bones are bare, the shame and rage and disgust would just not wash away. It will be an unending battle that would definitely lead to loathing and apathy towards that kind.

FUCK YOU. GO TO HELL, WHERE YOU BELONG. I SWEAR YOU ARE GOING TO DIE MISERABLE.